“No Regrets, I’m Blessed To Say, The Old Me Dead And Gone Away!”

Let’s take a step back from deranged mothers for a moment, shall we?
This post is about my journey to self-acceptance.
Picture Ali: Eleven-Year-Old Edition. For the longest time, I had the lowest self-esteem imaginable. In sixth grade, I was so different than I am today. I had anger stored up, and I let it all out on myself. I called myself “stupid,” “worthless,” “ugly.” I let this continue on, not realizing my self-worth.
As I look back on that, I see a pattern. About the time I accepted Christ into my life is when I started feeling better about myself. I started really getting into church the summer after sixth grade. That summer, there was a transformation happening inside me. When I started seventh grade, I had a certain confidence in myself that I had never felt before. That school year, I started building up my confidence, character, and outgoingness. If you knew me back in sixth grade, you wouldn’t recognize me. I’m bolder, more out-spoken.
I don’t think I’m the prettiest girl ever, or the nicest person to walk the planet, or any of that. But I have new-found character that can’t be crushed. I had the help of a lot of people along the way; this could never have been done alone. I’m still on this journey. I work on this every single day, this self-esteem issue.
Now, I feel comfortable in a group full of people. Now, I don’t have to put myself down in order to feel like I fit in. Now, I stand up for myself rather than shrinking down and being cowardly. Along with this new character of mine came a better overall feeling about how other people view me; I don’t automatically think people hate me anymore. I give other people a chance now, and more importantly, I give myself a chance.

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2 thoughts on ““No Regrets, I’m Blessed To Say, The Old Me Dead And Gone Away!”

  1. Melissa says:

    I don’t think I have the reason to feel the way you did before but I do.. I’m glad your lovin life again and it’s really inspirational… I think deep down no matter how hard I try I still pin the pain on God but I don’t want to… What else did you do to pull yourself out of that position? I really wish someone could help me with this…

    • I got deeper into God’s word, for one. I learned that God made us the way we are, and that if someone as perfect at God created us in His image, something must have gone right.
      Also, I looked to my church and Christian friends and how they acted. My church friends just have this confidence, this self-image. I wanted that SO badly. They helped me out so much without even knowing it. Look to people with that boldness and self-image you want, and create it for yourself.
      A good passage:
      Psalm 139:13-14-“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are so wonderful, I know that full well.”
      God made you to be just who you are. And that is completely amazing!! I am forever grateful of how He made me. I’m not perfect, but I can’t imagine myself any other way. Look to the Scripture, to your friends, and to yourself. :)

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