Star Light, Star Bright, Wish I May, Wish I Might….

All throughout my childhood, there was one thing that stayed constant, no matter what: my endless longing for motherly love. It never changed, never faltered, never went away. It was just part of me.
Every time I saw the first star in the sky, I’d wish for a mom. Every time I looked up into the sky full of stars, I’d whisper to myself “I love you, mommy. I know you’re out there somewhere.” Every dandelion, every birthday candle, every 11:11, they were all used on her. I even prayed that I would get a mom on many occasions, even though I didn’t know the first thing about how to pray. “God, I want a mom. Thanks.” I wrote Santa Clause asking for a mom, I pulled out my own eyelashes just to make wishes on them. I even wished on rainbows because I liked them and thought they were a good wishing medium. I asked the Magic 8 Ball, “Will I ever have a mommy?” I wished for a mom with every coin tossed into a fountain. Wanting a mother became more than a want. It was an obsession.
I used up all those wishes on her. While other kids were wishing for the new Bratz doll or a bottomless supply of cookies, I was wasting away on my yearning for a maternal figure. I do not regret making all those wishes or wanting her for that long. What if it had played out differently, and I DIDN’T want a mother? Maybe I’d feel different about it now.
All I know is that all those wishes sure worked, but not the way I expected. I got a mother, but not one I can see, touch, feel, love. I got my wish, but I got a twist. Like on I Dream Of Jeannie or Bewitched. The moral stays the same. Be careful what you wish for.


One thought on “Star Light, Star Bright, Wish I May, Wish I Might….

  1. Bree says:

    awhh ali baybee,, imm soo sorry!! :)) i love youhh no skittles,,

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